How you handle a frenemy?

Frenemy" (sometimes spelled "frienemy") is a blend of words of "friend" and "enemy" which can refer to either an enemy disguised as a friend or to a partner who is simultaneously a competitor. In personal relationships, the use of the term "frenemy" has become increasingly used to describe two (or more) people who are apparently friends, but are actually enemies.

An online dictionary site, http://www.urbandictionary.com, mention one meaning of frenemy which close to my personal case : A "friend" a "bad friend" who cares only about themselves. A friend who gets their way no matter the cost, and who they step on along the way. Classic example: when your best friend steals your boyfriend of three years she was a frenemy all along.

In popular culture "Frenemies" was used in the popular New Radicals song, You Get What You Give - released on April 20, 1999.


Wake up kids
we got the dreamers disease
Age 14 they got you down on your knees
Souls polite, we're busy still saying please
Friendnemies, who, when you're down ain't your friend
Every night we smash their Mercedes-Benz
First we run; and then we laugh till we cry
But when the night is falling
and you cannot find the light, light
You feel your dreams are dying
Hold tight

Chorus:
---------
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget
We only get what we give
---------

The word was further popularized when used as the title of an episode in the HBO series, Sex and the City episode #46, October 1 2000, Frenemies.


Reading all the definitions, now maybe you're nodding, "hm, it happens on me" yeah, it also happen on famous person like Gwyneth Paltrow, speaking about her frenemy, she commented, "This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road."

on my personal life, it laso occur on me, when 2 years ago did a trip with an (EX) BFF to some countries in europe, i realized she always wanna be the central of attention, but the fact many local guys there gave more attention to me who naturally charming (hihihihi narcisius mode on) made her frustated. I helped her to get a dating with an armenian man live in amsterdam, but she still kept teasing frontally  to the guys approaching to me, the worst thing when she abruptly & unpolitely cut my conversation with a guy in a train to luxembourg. Well, then she tried to get in touch with me when we were back to indonesia again, I said to her, if you are really wanna make it up, I asked her give me some photos of mine on her camera, but she failed to do that, cause she already deleted my photos!!!

So enough is enough, ca suffit, french people say. I choose to be surrounded by positive people, by my real best friends, I dont wanna keep a frenemy near me.

But unfortunately she still wanna haunt my life...

2nd experience is : while i stayed in melbourne, there is a young girl from my french course class, sent same message in 3 days-concurrently asking 'WHEN WILL YOU SEND A WEDDING INVITATION, SARI?" on my Yahoo messenger box, despite of asking "how is your trip?" hahaha, it's funny cause long time ago, she's so cute, and I voluntarily wanna be her recicle bin when she complained her bad story, even when she told me so desperately wanna suicide.



So, below are the best advise to know how to react to someone who can be classified as your frenemy :


How to Spot a Frenemy
Step 1 : Understand frenemy variations

Frenemies can range from calculatingly callous and manipulative to obliviously selfish and unkind. Just because a person doesn't "mean" to be mean doesn't erase the hurtful impact. Sometimes an unaware insult is more damaging than a deliberate jab.

Step 2 : Pay attention to how you act in the presence of your potential frenemy

Do you recoil at the thought of spending time with her? Do you clam up whenever he comes around? Do you often talk bad about her to others? Do you feel competitive when he discusses work, hobbies, love life or finances? If you continually act less than the highest, most loving, centered version of yourself when the two of you get together, take note. A frenemy may be in your midst.

Step 3 : Trust your initial reactions.

The first feelings we have about people and situations are the most accurate. These pure, uncensored observations give us all the information we need to classify somebody as a frenemy. You do yourself a disservice (not to mention set yourself up for more abuse) by analyzing interactions, questioning whether or not you are being too sensitive or making excuses for why a person behaves the way they do. If you feel like you've just received an emotional kick in the gut, then you have just received an emotional kick in the gut. No analysis needed!

Step 4 : Look for patterns.

If somebody lets you down or acts insensitively on occasion, that doesn't necessarily qualify him or her for frenemy status. Humans are flawed and friendships inevitably follow suit. On the other hand, a person who continually uses you for his or her personal agenda, dishes out insults, breaks promises, ignores your requests or manipulates you with passive-aggressive behavior goes beyond the acceptable friendship margin of error.

Step 5 : Acknowledge your paradoxical feelings.

Frenemies are hard to decipher because most of the time they have as many, if not more, positive qualities than negative ones. Frenemies will often share your interests and values; if you didn't have these things in common, it would be easy to qualify your frenemies as enemies and move them off your emotional radar entirely. Love-hate relationships are typical for frenemies.

Step 6 : Compare and contrast.

When trying to decide if a friend is actually a frenemy, weigh the person in question against somebody who you know with complete certainty is a friend. Personality traits become more apparent when viewed this way.

Step 7 : Seek validation.

If you can't sort it out, talk to a trusted friend or mentor. Perspective from a third party can help you get clear about the nature of your mucky, indefinable relationships.


At the end, if you have real best friends, nurture your friendship, respect each other and be grateful for that friendship !

spread love, not hatred

Love, sari musdar, june 20,2009 ^_^
inspiration for chapter 7 Cinderella in Paris
source : wikipedia, www.urbandictionary.com, www.cnn.com, my private experience LOL :-P