Women, be smart! True Love never confusing

So this morning my female friend told me, “ pff, I am in complicated relationship”. I am laughing, “hon, a REAL true love never confusing” As I ever told to my younger female friends, and also ever twit at twitter (sari_musdar), a man who is ready for commitment is like a taxi, he gives many obvious codes directly to a girl he met and he like (to ensure the girl she love not run away or caught by other man) that he is 100 % ready for commitment. All we have to do as a woman, just be that lucky taxi’s passenger lol. 

But again, she tried to have arguments, “But he is very romantic, he is Cancer, he is just labil, can’t make any decision which one he choose” “What the hell relation between zodiac and playboy or a guy who wanna play around?” her statement made my forehead wrinkle. Instead of make me look older by confusing me with her defence, I smile. “Oh please, be a smart girl!  zodiac has nothing to do with that!” 

She then replies, “No, he likes to give me flowers, says something romantic like poem, but he is just confused because he said he like me but he love his GF” WHAT? I heard something funny hear, maybe because I’m the outsider, not the woman who is trully madly fall in love, I can see the trick of this silly man. Get a real!! A real man, NEVER mention another woman in front of other woman he is falling in love, cause he care with the woman’s feeling. 

She still continue her story, “because his girl friend is very busy and focus on her career, so he feel being abandoned by his girl friend, that’s why he needs me..oh by the way he said he just had trip with a FEMALE friend to other city because he feels his GF ignored him” and suddenly I get dizzy. So I cut it off, ‘please respect you self, if you can not, who will ? He is just lonely man, who need free sex from any women who believe his story, maybe he expected after he told you that he liked you but he loved his girlfriend, he hoped you will do your best endeavor by giving an intimate treatment including sex. Then after he got it, he will leave you and hunt for another prey, an innocent woman who waiting to get husband. Leave him, if you dare say to him, I am looking a relationship, if you love me, you choose me, and stop having intimate friendship or friendship with benefit with other woman!”

What’s wrong with these women? I have many smart women, but very lame in relationship with men. I mean, how come they get their great career, but when facing a man, especially men who like play around, they can not see the tricks – the old  ones actually- or maybe pretend not see the signs or deny that they see the signs??

Or maybe you have experienced this: a guy you crush on give some blur signs to you that make you ask your female friends ro translate his action or his statements towards you, or suddenly disappear from your life without prior notice, so you got tired of guessing does he has same feeling with you? 

These following signs show that a guy you met just not that into you : 

1. A man doesn’t really like you if he never ask you date

They confess : “If we need you, we will seek” He will not let you guess since he wants to make sure that you are not frustrated and leave him. Men love hunting and chasing women. If a man asks you out, if a man is the person trying to get your attention, YOU, GALS, has the control. 

2.  He does not plan in advance.

Healthy relationships are always forward-moving. Even if he's busy the next weekend, he will acknowledge his busyness and mention that he wants to see you at some point.

3. He doesn’t / never call you or 90 % of the time YOU call / text him :

A guy sometimes say “I’m going to call you”, but never make relationship with a guy who never keep his promise, no need wasting your time wait his call. Only give your phone number to guy who seriously want to meet you again. 

All relationships are built upon mutuality. It's important to take these little signs into consideration, and remember that you deserve better. If you do all the calling, he's not that worth it to get your love. Step back, and put yourself on phone restriction. If he's interested, he'll call. If he's not, he won't. Yes, it will be painful when you realize that he hasn't called in a few weeks. But it will allow you to realize that you do, indeed, deserve better, and eventually, you'll be able to move on.

4. He Doesn't Mind If You "Date Other People"

Of course, when we first start seeing each other or start first dating, it is totally normal to date other people. But after some time, if he wants to keep it casual and could care less what we do when he's not around, then it's time to say goodbye. If he doesnt think you are worth to be hunted, then no need to keep him.

5. He Dates Other People/ has affair with other woman when he is with you

 

Again, it is normal at the 1st stage of relationship to meet other people, until a commitment is made.  But it doesnt mean you shouldn't discuss your respective dating lives. If he's not connected to you, he will forget about you whenever you're apart. If he talks about other women to you, it could be a sign that he doesn't take your feelings seriously. SIGN to leave him

There is no good reason for an affair. Any kind of problems he should face to, do not give him right to begin a love affair. Don’t ask what mistake you ever did, an affair doesn’t happen just like that. Tell a lie, have affair, hide something is a contrary to action of a man who really loves you!

6. Doesn’t want to make relationship with you : A guy who told he only want to be a friend or not ready to have relationship with you, not worth enough for you, leave this coward. Men are not different from women, they wish to be emotionally protected if a relationship go to next stage. They will express “I am your boyfriend” to a woman he likes. An Oath in relationship for women : a. No doubt b. No vagueness c. No one unknown d. Nothing express unclearly Try to know him best before make relationship with him. 4. Doesn’t want to touch you : When a man likes you, he wants to give a physical touch to you

7. He Always Has An Excuse To Get Out Of Meeting Your Friends And Family

This relates back to the reality that if he's interested, he wants to be a part of what is important to you. He wants to meet the people who you grew up with, who raised you, and who you spend most of your days with. If he's not willing to meet your family and friends it is because he does not envision himself being a part of your life.

8. After being together for long time, he still doesn’t want to marry you.

 Love heal commitment phobia. “A man who had ever in relationship with you and said he never wants to marry, not believe in marriage, or has problem with marriage, WILL UNQUESTIONABLY someday marry, but certainly not with you.” Note this list: a. Do you truly feel being loved b. Do you certainly feel he is really committed with you? c. Do you certainly feel he has doubt to build life with you? If the answer : yes, yes, no, then continue your relationship with him. “Don’t want to marry” and “don’t want to marry to me” is absolutely 2 different things. If both of you has different vision on marriage, is there anything else you have different vision with him? It’s about time to make those list ! 

9. He breaks relationship with you

In the event he dumps you, ALWAYS BE CLASSY, NEVER BE CRAZY. Things must be done after separate from your ex boyfriend: a. no need to meet him especially has dating, b. no call c. not being close friend d. has own life. Get rid of him, erase him from your life, let him MISS you. dont ever, NEVER updating your Facebook status by pathetic status that you still love him, you miss him, while you keeping crazy, he maybe already get new girl. MOVE ON

10. He disappears from your life. If this happen, there is no mystery (never pose question why he leaves you or ask what is your mistake so he fade away), he leaves and NOT GOOD ENOUGH for you 

11. he is married man or is in relationship 

When I was working in Mining site in Highlands of Papua, many married men who didnt bring his family try hard to get me by saying his wife ignored him, his wife not care anymore and he sleep separately (well, of course silly, you sleep at Papua island, and your wife sleep at Java/ Sumatra/ Sulawesi island lol) and any sad story to make me as woman give sympathy on him. Unfortunately I know men trics. “Jerk men will do any tricks to get in women’s pants”, my Guru said. 

12. He is BASTARD who selfish, always get mad, totally weird.

If a man truly loves someone he loves to do everything to make his girlfriend happy. Persons who love each other generally will try to do a good thing. In fact in some case there is a motivation to treat his life partner better and make his lover’s life better. All nice and mature men should try to love your family and your friends.

The last thing : Make your Own standard in relationship :

1. I will not make relationship with a guy who not the FIRST person who ask me for going out

2. I will not make relationship with a guy who make me wait his call

3. I will not have date with a guy who not sure he really wants to have date with me

4. I will not have a date with a guy who make me feel not unwanted physically

5. I will not make relationship with a guy who afraid of talking about our future

6. I will not, in any kind of situation, spend my valuable time with a guy who ever dumped me

7. I will not have date with a married man

8. I will not have relationship with a man who obviously not a nice person, has tender heart, and full of love 

So dear my Indonesian female friends, please love and respect your self, do not be fool  or stay in fake relationship just because you are in hurry to get married. 

by Sari Musdar

twitter : @sari_musdar